Last week I wrote about the flurry of appointments we had lined up for this week, and how the Lord orchestrated things on Friday to get several concerns addressed.  By the end of day Friday, two of the appointments,( and the 45 minutes drive each way which came with them), had been eleminated.  One for pre-procedure assessment prior to his port-a-cath insertion (through which the chemo will be infused), and the other was my own appointment, which oddly enough, I got a letter from my doctor just Friday at 6pm, saying he had a scheduling conflict and had to cancel my appointment, and they rescheduled it sometime in March.  That worked out good since I’m doing alright, and so far the med they put me on last summer still seems to be working well for me, even in the midst of stressful events!  That is one praise, right there!

We finally got up the nerve to go online to the website of my husband’s insurance carrier to see what the “damages” are so far; (what we owe out of pocket just for the surgery and 10-day hospitalization).  Seven grand!  The hospital charge alone is $121.000.00.  Of course, some of that may shake out a little differently in the very end.  There are charges, and then there are allowable charges, and then there is whatever adjustment is made by the hospital after the insurance has washed their hands of it, and what is left, is ours to pay.  That is all BEFORE chemo.  What we found out today is that with the chemo, we will pay our co-insurance payment which amount to $240/month for his “every 2 weeks” infusions, x 6 months, so another $1,500 and we’re looking at $8,500.  Plus $25 for every form they have to fill out for my husband’s work, under the Family Medical Leave act and short-term disability benefit.

Garrett was concerned about the expenses, of course, stating, “yes, I want to be cancer-free but what good is it to be cancer–free and  financially destitute”.  The numbers were there for the checking, online, but I think he was putting off having to know.   But no matter how bad things are, they are always bigger and feel more threatening when they are a big fat “undknown” so even though 7 grand is money we don’t have sittting around in savings or anyplace, we at least now know what we are up against, and hopefully there’ll be no surprises yet to come up.

As a nurse, I always have such a “need to know” all the details, I want to weigh things for myself, usually, and be my own advocate, or the best advocate I can for my loved ones when we deal with doctors and treatment and medical care.  But I told my husband this morning that I have made up my mind on this one, I’m letting go of the steering wheel.   I believe the Lord has so clearly orchestrated the timing of events, that I’m just going to believe that the facility we are going to, with the exact doctors and nurses we are with, were chosen directly by God for the task of treating Garrett.  I am too tired and my own health too prone to exacerbation in stress, to fight any battles.  I’ll make calls, run to the pharmacy, change his dressing and wound packing, go with him to every appointment, take notes and keep track of things, but  I am not going to fret and worry over having new debt (though we have diligently been eliminating debt), but instead, I will  just be thankful the care is available and they are willing to work with us in getting a payment plan in place.  A financial couselor actually sat with us after the Nurse Practitioner got done today with her teaching session and his labwork, etc.  Once again, we walked out breathing a sigh of relief, and still feeling like, “okay, we can do this, we will get through it”.   That I have taken this letting-go-and-letting God approach is a miracle in itself!  So that is a praise too!
Sure there are always hassles.  Forms and more forms to have doctors fill out, fax, fill out again 30 days later, call and confirm it was indeed faxed (and no, that’s not me being obsessive-compulsive, it is what we were instructed by the insurance case manager to do.  But all in all we are so grateful that (for the time being anyway), our healtcare system is still running smoothly, insurance is covering a substantial portion of what has been (and will be) required, and we can look forward to Garrett being cancer-free six months down the road.

Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He calms the child.  This ordeal is one no one wants to have, but we are trusting that we are going to continue to see God’s hand at work on our behalf, and you know something? That is worth a lot!  It builds a storehouse of confident knowledge of God’s sufficiency in all things.  It’s the difference between knowing it with your head and knowing it with every fiber of your being, when you experience the proof first-hand.  We should thank God He bothers to orchestrate such circumstances for our growth, and the growth of our faith.  (Be careful what you ask for when you say “Lord, increase my faith”, lol).

Yesterday in church the lessons in Sunday School, a.m. service and p.m. service all seemed to weave together.  In Sunday School it was about being intentional in our effort to bless others in the New Year.  In words, deeds, attitudes and not letting ourselves become stingey in that area, holding back our “inner reserves”.  It was about curbing the tongue, being kind, and going out of our way to bless someone else, even if it costs us something, and it will.  Then the morning sermon was about stewardship, giving not just financially, but of talents and abilities.  Investing all that we are, all that we have, for the furtherence of the gospel, for the glory of God, and laying up treasures in heaven, not becoming weary in well-doing.  Finally the evening sermon was about Psalm 139 and asking God to search our hearts.  See if there be any wicked way in me.  The need to constantly remain vigilant in examining ourselves, and asking God to examine us too.  Because He sees what we are blind to.  And if we always truly remember His attributes, we will be less likely to fool ourselves about the things we do that are wrong.  He sees all, He knows all, there is no place we can go to hide from His eyes.  All power is His, and He is Holy.  We are to live lives that are Holy and pleasing to Him.  Our youth pastor is a dynamo, who barely stops to sleep.  He is a gifted vocalist, evangelist, speaker, preacher, is involved with at least 3 musical groups, teaches at a Bible college, has his own independant ministry, has cut several recordings of his music, and is involved also in dramas and youth camps.  And he made an important point when he spoke of his own self-examination and what God revealed to him.

You could say he and I represent two ends of a spectrum, really.  I strive to “Serve Him in the Waiting”, while what the Lord convicted him of, was a need to remember to wait upon the Lord in the midst of all his serving!

No matter which end you find yourself on, whether you are limited by advancing age and/or medical conditions, or whether you are so busy “doing” that you have gotten lax in just spending time alone with the Lord, everything should be in moderation.  Ministry giants who fall, didn’t do so by being suddenly “tripped up”.  They made the mistake of thinking they’d arrived at a point of maturity which no longer required the maintenance effort.  Or they let down their guard.  Or they just stopped studying and seeking the Lord and praying.

I have often said that I think some churches would see much more “fruit” and growth, if they stopped with a whole lot of the doing, and went back to old-fashioned praying.  Not gathering on Wednesday night, everyone sharing their prayer requests, and having one person pray.  I mean the kind where you get there at 6, everyone spreads out throughout the sanctuary, in small groups of 2 and 3, or everyone individually, and everyone just PRAY.  No sermon.  No offering.  No choir practice.  No announcements.  No dismissal time.   Pray as long as you need to, leave when you are ready.  We get much too “married” to our “order of service”.  Four hymns, the offering, doxology, whatever, announcements.  Then we wonder why the spirit doesn’t seem to move.

Well, that was not about our cancer journey, just a little extra thrown in at no additional charge.  🙂

There is plenty to praise the Lord about.  If you think, “no, my life is all bad” well, then start praising and thanking Him for what is bad, then.  There is a lot of talk about peace and about joy.  And considering our world, there is plenty for us to be somber over.  Especially for those who are informed, it seems inappropriate to be excessively cheery right now in light of what we see, like you don’t go into a wake and crack jokes and play around, out of respect for those who are suffering.  I am very aware there are many suffering right now.  People who don’t have jobs, who are facing foreclosure, who are sick and don’t have great insurance, or any insurance, but for the Christian, we know that our Lord will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory.  We know that the overwhelming tide of evil that is rising and will crest soon, will not be the “last word”.  There is a victory beyond that.  And so thinking upon these things which are good, pure, virtuous, and of good report, we still can smile, we can have peace.  No matter what.  So that is my praise today.  God is a good Father.  He is gracious and merciful and trustworthy.  Amen, and Amen!!!!! Praise God the Father, Praise Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit Comforter.  Now and forever.  Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is and is to come!  He is our deliverer, and He is coming!