I spent 25 years very prone to depression. It has now been five years since the Lord delivered me out of it. I am vigilant about my state of mind now, because that is a gift I do not want to take for granted. Scripture says “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee”. There are Christians who persist in asserting that depression is sin. From my experience, those who think that, have probably never experienced true, chronic depression. But I can vouch for the fact that Scripture is the best antidote to depression.
Sometimes life just pulls you down. Capitulating to the undertow is unacceptable. You fight it! We live in such a harsh world. That makes pausing for beauty and for joy, all the more crucial. I forget that even when it comes to this blog. I still experience a dip in my energy levels this time of year. With Narcolepsy, fatigue and foggy brain are part and parcel of the deal. But I have a medication prescribed by my doctor, meant to reduce the excessive daytime sleepiness. Most of the year, I have to take it at half-dose, because I am so sensitive to it, and it will cause me to feel edgy. Edgy is worse than groggy! Because I also really have trained myself to live in the very present moment, I sometimes forget that this time of year, when days are very short, and I don’t get outside much, the lack of sunlight stimulation exacerbates that lethargic feeling, and thus I can tolerate the whole dosage. So I go for days and maybe a couple of weeks before it occurs to me to start taking that higher prescribed dose. (I know, sounds like a no-brainer, but then, memory issues are also a part of Narcolepsy).
So, anyway, if you were wondering why I didn’t post yesterday, like I normally do on Mondays, I was taking a step back and putting my mind entirely on other things, and since I remembered to take my proper dose of medicine for this time of year, I was also busy getting things done!!!
Don’t you just love getting things done?
We put our tree up over the weekend. So one thing I was working on was getting a few of the other decorations up. I have one Precious Moments-type mini-nativity, and one large and beautiful porcelain one. Of course I had to move things off the shelves that normally sit where I wanted to place these, and while I was at it, I washed the knick-knacks and cleaned the shelves. I also had to find places to put the items I moved off the shelves, so I cleaned out a couple of small storage spaces as well. In between that, I did laundry, and had some fun with my camera and the Christmas decorations.
But before I started all of that, I got out my Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest, and my Spurgeon Morning and Evening devotionals, and spent a little while just sitting and meditating on the Word. I have a good friend who is great about reminding me to seek out beauty when I am feeling hollowed out. Our Creator specializes in beauty. And its sole purpose is for His own, and our, delight.
As far back as I can recall in my walk with the Lord, I have had an abiding awareness of His personal presence beside me as I go about my day. Lately, though, I have been feeling like “something has come between us”. I have some pretty ambitious goals in my Bible study, but when I am feeling depleted, I falter in that just as with everything else. I know. You’d think I realize that is counter-intuitive, and I do. But well, I don’t know how to explain what it is like living with Narcolepsy. There is no doubt that it is hard to knuckle down, but just because it may be harder for me, doesn’t excuse it. Sleep disorders breed mood disorders. It is doubly crucial that I practice not only good sleep hygiene, but also “mood hygiene”.
So that’s what I was doing yesterday. Seeking the Lord, to figure out what exactly was “out of whack”, and to just immerse myself in the season. Because this time of year is always hard for me. I fight against the pressures and the expectations that make it so insane. Even the church-related activities add to the squeeze.
If you are already stressing and pressing, I invite you to carve out some time this week to sit with the kids or grandkids, cutting paper snowflakes or angels, baking cookies, listen to classic Christmas hymns and carols, dwell on the wonder of the fact that Jesus came all those years ago, and He really is coming again. We have a bright and wonderful future to look forward to.
Meanwhile, here are some pictures of Christmas here in our home. Maybe you will feel like we’ve had a visit.
I love it when friends drop in! All of my ornaments have memories attached. The wreath on the door was a months-long project when I was a kid. I remember carrying it back and forth to school, and one day about halfway through, I bumped it on something and broke the Styrofoam ring inside. I walked into the door at home and burst into tears after all my hard work. My mom put her arms around me and asked what was wrong, and I showed her my mangled and ruined wreath. My Mom dried my tears and said, “don’t worry, I think I can fix that!”. She carefully removed all of the felt strip wrapper, and using glue and straight pins to hold it in place while it dried, she pieced it back together. By the next morning, she had removed the pins and wrapped the felt back around it. Good old Elmer’s School Glue. Can’t beat it! It was good as new, and she hung it in her house every year for about thirty years, then gave it back to me. I had to do a little touching up, and actually painted the white doves, since white felt can’t exactly be cleaned.
My husband and son did most of the tree decorating this time. I usually add extra lights to this pre-lit tree, and even more ornaments. I had just weeded out some of my ornaments a couple of years ago, when my neighbor moved from her house to live with her son, and she gave me a whole bunch more. I have enough for three trees!
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Serve Him in the Waiting 