On my mind this morning

Ok, so Fridays are generally a little lean in terms of news, and those days if I do spend much time online seeking out interesting news, I tend to get off on rabbit trails rather than sticking to my usual sources of info, which is a good way to find new sources, and an intellectually rewarding exercise besides.  Today as I looked further into the Ota Benga story, which I had never heard before, I ended up on a Creation Research site, perusing their selection of articles and stumbled upon one title “The Extraterrestrial Search for the Origin of Homochirality.  Now, if I were Wendy Wippel, (love that gal!) I would probably already know what that title is referring to.  Since I am not, I clicked on it to find out.  As long as I am curious, and feed my curiosity, I can at least keep my mind active.

But lest this produce some undue admiration that my curiosity remains intact in my middle age years, I want you to know that I read down the first few pages, and  then began to skim to see how in-depth the article actually was, and when at page five (of nine) I encountered a chart, well, that was when the mental breakers tripped.  I don’t know what it is about the way God wired my brain, I mean, I have said before that on those aptitude tests that measure your ability to gage chains of cause and effect or spatial perception, I was always totally lost, but something about information presented in chart/graph form, just shuts down my CPU. It’s like the sirens go off, wuuop-wuuop-wuop, and the loudspeakers blast “Abort! Abort! Get OUT NOW!”.  The fact I have this kind of reaction to info in chart or graph form is kind of intriguing in and of itself. It is one of the many examples of things about me that I just have to chuckle at.  I are a strange critter indeed!

Oh, you want to know what Homochirality is?  Ok well, I am not a scientist, but I am a word person so let’s break it down.  Homo means same, and chirality means handedness.  It has something to do with the configuration of carbon in molecules and the four possible number of mirror image configurations in which it can exist in those molecules, and the fact that in living molecules there are only single mirror-image configurations found.  Does that clear it all up for you?  Me neither.  The article tells me that the significance of this is that it Amino Acids, RNA, DNA, and polysaccharides, (what maintains life in humans and plants and are referred to as biomolecules) all possess unique homochirality.  Chirality can’t be random or mixed and sustain life. So these conditions are restricted to living organisms, which points to an intelligent Creator.  Basically science doesn’t like that because they can’t establish an “origin” for this, (other than the obvious One, which they reject at all costs) so now they are looking to outer space as the source.

I don’t have to be a scientific genius to understand that those of us who don’t buy into the “lofty” theories of science that discount God in their equations, are not the ones that are dumber than rocks.  I don’t care how many PHD’s you have in science.  If you are going to deny the obvious, you’re a delusional fool.

Well, that’s enough of my randomocity on that topic.  I believe people ought to learn and increase their understanding and knowledge, but there is an awful lot of stuff that people “know” that isn’t even true, much less valuable in any way.

On a totally different note, a video posted early this morning on here about pharmaceuticals and the effect they are having on people, namely kids.  It is from a Christian perspective, and I know that there are those who are going to give it half an ear and be offended without listening to all of it.  I share stuff on here to promote our thinking.  I have definitely seen my own attitudes about the practice of medicine and healthcare in general, change a great deal between the time I was an idealistic starry-eyed student nurse and now that I have been “a patient” myself for many years.

I take some very potent prescriptions for my medical conditions, and they are prohibitively expensive, and the only reason I am able to have the most expensive one, is by a charitable grant for people with Narcolepsy.  Well, strange things have been happening in regard to that, and I can’t help wonder at the timing in relation to the Lord leading me to that video yesterday.

First my DME supplies were denied suddenly that I need for my c-pap.  I was able to fax some documentation of my tests and diagnosis, that got that reinstated without much problem or delay. (Which is a good thing since the doctors don’t keep records back seven years anymore apparently). I saw my sleep doc just two weeks ago.  A few days after that, I got a denial from my insurance over the daytime medicine I take for the sleepiness and they essentially said it was due to failure to provide information.  I am now wondering if I mis-understood the doctor when he mentioned a denial, assuming it was the c-pap supplier he was referring to, and that led to this denial because even though I provided that info to his office as well, I added a note saying I had already faxed it to my c-pap supplier.  I can’t assume someone in the office would follow up but if they did see that I had already sent the info someplace, it would have been easy for them to not note the detail that the pharmacy supplier needed the info as well.  But THEN, yesterday I got a notice from the charitable organization that my grant has run out and I won’t be getting my other critical med either.  (At over six thousand dollars a month I certainly can’t pay out of pocket.  The drug is an orphan drug, already subsidized by the government, but as the one company who makes it is the only one authorize to make it, well you can see how they are free to put any price on it that they choose).

I can say without hesitation that the medications I have been taking gave me back a quality of life I thought I had lost forever.  And that of course I expect that if I cannot get these meds, there is a very real potential for my health to return to that state in which I was not able to function.  I am sharing this because I want people who watch that video, whose gut reaction might be to take offense, to understand that I am not a person who does not understand what a difference meds like those might have made in their life, or that of their child who has some kind of psychiatric diagnosis.

This is an issue that is not as simple and cut-and-dried as the maker of that video might like to believe.  I don’t know him, and I don’t know if he has any first hand experience.  Sometimes people get a burr in their saddle and start making proclamations about which they really have no authority to speak.  But having said that, I could not help but notice the timing of these three sudden obstacles between me and the prescribed meds that my doctors have seen fit to put me on, and my stumbling upon that video which is a warning about the spiritual implications that come with taking potent meds like that.  This is not about heart meds, diabetic meds, etc, but psych drugs and drugs for physiological conditions that are rooted in sleep, which itself is a state of altered consciousness.

This is a conundrum that a lot of Christians face.  We live in a fallen world.  We have conditions that are specific to us as individuals and the times in which we live, conditions not all of which are we responsible for having brought about, that have very real impact on our lives, and we face criticism and “judgment” about the remedies we seek, from many quarters.  More of that flack comes from in the church than out.  But! Rather than brush it off,  and before delving into a crusade to somehow restore my access to these treatments, I am stepping back and praying about this in light of what I do know about these meds and what I have learned about altered states and the vulnerability that creates to the forces of darkness.   I think it is only wise to do that in my case, because for one thing, it is too easy even as a Christian who knows that everything that we depend on to live is provided by the Lord, it is really easy to forget “whence my help comes from”.  God is not bound to continue providing for my well-being via the same channels He has provided thus far.  Who is to say He isn’t going to heal me?  I don’t know His mind and I do know His ways are not our ways.

So, I don’t know.  I could get really twisted up about this.  I would have in the past.  It was a long hard road getting help and it is a scary proposition to think that now God is going to ask me to let that go and be willing to trust the outcome to Him.

Part of me says “yeah, easy for you to say that now, you still have a month before it all runs out, and this is just you dreading the potential hours of phone calls, appeals, and whatever wrestling and wrangling with red tape it is going to take, thanks to Obamacare, to get treatment”.  I can’t argue with that.  It is true that I find having to fight for these measures nearly as traumatic as being sick.

That is actually a real consideration, though.  I have known a day would come when the access to these things would run out.  In Europe some medical needs are available only by lottery!  The only “equitable way” to divvy up limited resources among so many who need them. Draw straws.  People die waiting for a shot at surgery or life-saving treatments.  But goodness, before there was any such thing as health insurance, did people feel as entitled as we do now in America?  So you see, it is all relative and what we have come to take for granted, was never “granted” to begin with.   I guess I am just trying to allow room for God to enable me to accept this, what for me could be a life-changing turn of events if indeed it is to be my new (or reverted) reality.

Before I had these meds, my cognitive function was severely impaired.  Physically I was always in pain, and I suffered cataplexy attacks on nearly a daily basis.   Could several years of treatment of these symptoms have facilitated my body’s natural recovery and healing from these conditions?  Well, from all of the “science” narcolepsy is a permanent and irreversible loss of a substance naturally-occurring in the body that enables and regulates restorative sleep.

But perhaps the Lord knows my current one-month supply is going to be the last I need due to other events that will occur in the next thirty days.  Whichever the case, I am strangely peaceful about it, and I remind myself that my help comes from the Lord.  My hope is in Him and everything that happens to me must be signed off and approved by Him first.  So.  I will make calls and inquiries, (starting Monday, as my doctor is not even in the office I go to but two days each week) but I feel in my spirit that I should give God time to work either in me or in the situation, before I take that on, and give that whole “wait upon the Lord” concept a try this time around.  I fought so much for so long to get these things.  And I am thankful for the reprieve I have had.




4 thoughts on “On my mind this morning

  1. You have a complicated mind and I would guess you are using both sides of your brain to process information. This, in itself, can be a good thing for critical thinking, but other factors like trauma can make a gift become a burden. The tormentor, satan!, can send me into overdrive especially during much needed sleep. I process everything several times over and get on those rabbit trails. My Hope, Peace and Comfort comes from The Word that I’ve memorized. I know you know that!

    I suffer from sleep deprivation, not to your degree, and it has effected my life in many ways. Maybe that’s the common denominator that draws me to read your posts. I am longing for peace. I want to redirect my attention from the condition of the world and focus on eating well and simple pleasures of the ministry of motherhood. I have two son who are in their early twenties so being a grandma will be next. This sounds so mundane and simple, but for my mind which is capable of many things I will have to lay everything down for this to happen. The world sucks me in with business opportunities and people in need.

    Anchor your soul with whatever is lovely, not the conspiracies and the latest news cycles, find a friend who can sit over a cup of tea and sing praises to The Lord. I wish you lived nearby. Walk in the sunshine and seek The Light. Ask Him to remove the tormentor. I know you’ve done this, but remove all the books that aren’t peaceful. I find peace in simple books that soothe my mind like the Laura Ingalls Wilder series and Jan Karon series. I’m sure these are above your mental abilities. That’s the point, having something soothing. These books have helped me process the loss of innocence I’ve suffered at the hands of others.

    I understand that you have layers of serious health conditions that can’t be healed with Christian platitudes. By no means is that what I’m trying to convey here. What I’m trying to say is get back to the basics, like a little child, easier said than done.

    Here’s my prayer for you and myself as well: Heavenly Father, You are God, The Creator and The Healer. You are Peace and Love beyond our earthly comprehension. We will never truly understand until we see You in heaven. Give us Peace, beyond understanding, quite our minds so that we can worship You as You desire. Heal our souls and forgive our trespasses so that we find our purpose in You. Break any generational curses and raise up every generation from us until You come again to diligently seek You, find You, worship and serve You, never to leave the narrow path, but always surrendering and following You until we see Your Glory in Heaven and are reunited in Your Presence. Please, Holy God, give us Your Protection to carry this out with good health, a sound mind and the Power of Your Holy Spirit. I Praise Your Holy Name and ask in the Precious Name of Jesus, Our Savior, Your Son, Our Redeemer Who Lives, Amen!

    God’s Peace, to You, my dear sister.

    • Amen to that! Every time I have a conversation with myself about pushing through this or that, it’s always, ALWAYS with the added thought of “and who knows maybe the trumpet call will come tonight!”.

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