7 years ago we left a church that was more committed to tradition than to the Word. Six years prior to that we left a church that went apostate. We have found a Calvary Chapel fellowship about an hour away, and have been attending there many months now. They seem to be pretty aware of the lateness of the hour and the increasing darkness, and do address prophecy (although not to the degree that the hour calls for, in my estimation). The preaching is expository, rather than topical. It starts with scripture, focuses on scripture, ends with scripture, gives scripture the last word. It’s edifying and they are a praying church.

It’s good to be back in corporate worship. Hubby is an introvert, and I am still processing a lot of internal stuff after the months of caring for Mom and her passing this past summer, which has had a domino effect on my health and mood issues, not ideal for making new interpersonal connections myself right now. It takes a while to integrate.

Things in thiscworld are bleak. No two ways about that.

Between lack of fellowship, the increasing lovelessness both in and outside of the body, and recent circumstances in my own life, I have reached a point where I can’t take another step until and unless the Lord pours something into me that will empower me to go on. I’m asking Him for proper perspective and personal revival because I’ve hit a wall mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically speaking, that so far I haven’t figured out how to get over, under, or around. I’m just being real, admitting that I am tired and discouraged.

I have limited my exposure to news, and didn’t want to get on here and write anything that might bum someone else out, because so many are experiencing struggles of their own. I know Jesus is coming, and we have known for a long time that America has to decrease before the final global order of the beast can move into place, but just like watching my mom decline as her inevitable passing approached, knowing doesn’t really make it easier to witness and endure.

There is still the fact of there being few around me that watch closely, and who really understand that the entire world is teetering on a treacherius precipice. Isolation is the last thing we need, and yet it’s a natural instinct to want to feel calm and safe and too much awareness runs counter to that. So I understand, but it’s still frustrating.

Even knowing the good that comes after this, isn’t helping me much right now. I am in desperate need of a refreshing from the Lord, of seeing Him move, of fresh eyes, fresh anointing, a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit to face present and future, and an overflow out of which to give and serve.

It’s been a long haul, and there is a lot that I am mourning. I’ve known the Lord and His word long enough to understand that there are seasons, rainy and dry, busy and dormant, working and resting. I understand that there is a never-ending unclouded day coming, but I feel like that weak marathon runner who knew when I signed up, that my stamina is meager, yet hoped my tenacity might offset that. Hopefully, coming to an end of self will mean increased usefulness in the Master’s hands. If I can’t get out of my own way, He can get me out of His.

God knows my heart, my mind, my frame and my limits.

“That Forever“

Weak and weary, Lord you see us have preserved us this far along

When we falter You are faithful. In our weakness You are strong.

Lord we’re waiting as You tarry, for that full number to come in

Cleanse our hearts, renew our minds, reveal to us our hidden sins

Breathe upon us, Holy Spirit with all power from on high. Draw us nearer, help us hear you, make us holy, sanctify.

Submit all impulse to Your will. Strip away every distraction. Bring the love of Jesus to bear in every daily interaction.

Give us glimpses of the glory that awaits us by and by. Raise heavy hearts and eyes to truly see redemption that is drawing ever nigh.

Forgive our faithless need to be so often reassured. The road’s been long, we’re battle-weary but the victory’s been secured.

Grant us growth in prayer and fasting, calculation of the cost. Perseverence, dreams and visions and bold proclaimation of the gospel to the lost.

Night is darkest before dawn, the Daystar’s rising in the East. Soon the bridegroom will appear to take us to that marriage feast.

A few more weary days, a handful of tearful nights plodding underneath the curse and then we’ll finally take our flight.

Faith to sight

Dark to light

Death to life

Age to age

What’s a little pressing further, in light of that forever?